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| You
Know You're From New Mexico When... |
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 You buy
salsa by the gallon.- You are
still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years
ago.
- Your
favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list.
- You do all
your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.
- Your
Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper
bags".
- You have
license plates on your walls, but not on your car.
- Most
restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los".
- You
remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.
- You hated
Texans until the Californians moved in.
- The tires
on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.
- You
price-shop for tortillas.
- You have an
extra freezer just for green chile.
- You think a
red light is merely a suggestion.
- You believe
that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
- You don't
make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well
armed they are just by looking.
- You think
six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
- You have to
sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.
- You ran for
state legislature so you can speed legally.
- You pass on
the right because that's the fast-lane.
- You have
read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.
- You know
they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell
newspapers.
- You think
Sadies was better when it was in the bowling alley.
- You have
used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.
- You can't
control your car on wet pavement.
- There is a
piece of a UFO displayed in your home.
- You know
that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.
- You wish
you had invested in the orange barrel business.
- You just
got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the
same week.
- Your swamp
cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.
- You have
been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was
shot or about your alien abduction.
- You can
actually hear the Taos hum.
- All your
out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.
- You know
Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.
- You are
afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola.
- You iron
your jeans to "dress up".
- You don't
see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
- Your other
vehicle is also a pick-up truck.
- Two of your
cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the
state pen.
- You know
the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.
- Your car is
missing a fender or bumper.
- You have
driven to an Indian Casino at 3am because you were hungry.
- You think
the Lobos fight song is "Louie, Louie"
- You know
whether you want "red or green."
- You're
relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer
pot-holes.
- You can
correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.
- You have
been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to
charge you extra for "international" shipping.
- You expect
to pay more if your house is made of mud.
- You can
order your Big Mac with green chile.
- You see
nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around
you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates
between Spanish and English.
- You
associate bridges with mud, not water.
- You know
you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart,
Sam's or Home Depot.
- Tumbleweeds
and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.
- If you
travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must
bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.
- Trailers
are not referred to as trailers. They are houses. Double-wide trailers
are "real" houses.
- A package
of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread.
You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given.
- At any
gathering, regardless of size, green chile stew, tortillas, and huge
mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.
- Prosperity
can be readily determined by the number of horses you own.
- A tarantula
on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A
poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling
across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an
occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out.
- You
actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from New
Mexico.
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